June 6, 2009

“A being than which none greater can be thought,” what a great definition for God! Anselm derived some great thinking when he defined God, thus. It has become the mantle for Procrastinators since, because tomorrow never comes, there can be no greater reason for procrastinating.

Think about it! If on this day I decide to complete a task tomorrow, and when on the next day I think about it, tomorrow hasn’t come. So, like God, I can put off completing the task adinfinitum.

Can you think of a greater being than which none can be thought? Isn’t it great? If you can think of a greater being then, that being must be God, since, there cannot possibly be a greater being, unless you don’t believe in God in the first place then there is nothing to  argue.

But, truly, tomorrow will never come since on the day after the said day that the statement was uttered, if I ask, “Is it tomorrow yet?” You can say, “No. Wait twenty four hours.” It’s fantastic! You can wait twenty four hours and tomorrow is still in the future. See? You never have to worry about completing a task provided you say to the task giver, “I will have it completed tomorrow.”

Don’t be trapped into saying you’ll have it completed by 12June, since this will bind you. Imagine how foolish you would feel if you didn’t complete the task! You would not be true to your word.

Ah, thank God for the Society for Lovers of Procrastination (SLOP), our motto, wait until tomorrow stands firm in our hearts. Join us and become a lazy, slothful person who always has a sound excuse for tardiness. “No worries, it’ll be done tomorrow. You can stake your life on it.”

May 30, 2009

You’ve heard of evangelists, now read about a new society, a society where everyone procrastinates. In fact, why not join our society and be in good company. We meet once a month when we can decide on a date, and you’ll join great company if the other members can be bothered coming to a meeting.

There’s a benefit behind belonging to SLOP; for a start, you will never need to feel guilty about not completing any tasks because we will teach you the tricks of the trade where you can rationalize quite convincingly, that you meant to do it, but were far too busy. Of course there are other ways that you can explain away your procrastination, but you’ll have to attend a meeting to get those; when we plan it.

The founding two members meet regularly since we have desks next to each other. We support one another all the time by explaining to the other how hard working they are, until he feels good about not finishing the task. Phil, he’s the other guy who started SLOP with me, plans on making a logo for our group when he can be bothered; I look forward to seeing it someday.

We have a whole range of mottos, one being ‘look forward to tomorrow.’ Isn’t it great? I always set tasks for tomorrow since I know that tomorrow never comes. See how simple it is to make excuses? “Hey Ian, can you get ……….. finished for me?” “Yeh, no worries, I’ll finish it tomorrow.” Makes sense doesn’t it?

Guess what! We even have a theme song. Remember Peggy Lee? She sang ‘Manyana’ a song about putting it off until tomorrow. “And then I say Manyana and it’s good enough for me.”

In deed, we are in good hands. I have worked out that God has been misquoted. Why is the earth’s population increasing so rapidly? It was reported that God said, “Go forth and procreate.” That was an error. God said, “Go forth and procrastinate,” but since there wasn’t much to procrastinate about way back then, He was quoted incorrectly. So let’s correct God’s message of wisdom. Join us.

If you don’t think you will ever be as good as Phil and me, hey, we have a principle which will ease you in. It is called the ‘Conditional Manyana Principle.’ You can always say, “I am waiting for more information before I can complete this task.” It might be true, but we’ll recognize it as an excuse. No problem!

There is one thing that’s certain. Many of our students (yes, we are teachers) would feel right at home within our group. They learnt the principles all by themselves. Phil and I are quite proud of them. I mean, for me, I have less work to mark and the students have an excuse for failing. How can anyone say they have failed if the work wasn’t done. Think about it. How good can you feel if a fail grade is given when the work wasn’t done in the first place?

Even the perfectionist student can join SLOP. Oh yes they can! Why complete the work if it isn’t going to be as good as I would want? ‘Hey, if I complete the work, and it is good, then won’t , they the teachers, expect good work next time?’ See! It is that simple. Excuses can be generated from anything, so get off your butt and join us.

You may not be old enough to remember, but back in the late seventies, their used to be a round badge with the word ‘tuit’ printed on it. You know, it was for those who finally got around to it. Ha ha, but Phil and I plan to redesign the badge. No longer do we have to be humiliated by the sentiment behind that hideous badge. We plan on putting a big red cross through it. Yep, we will never get ‘a round tuit’, not because we are lazy, but simply because tomorrow never comes. It is difficult for us though when we set home work. I can’t set the due date for tomorrow, so, I violate one of our basic principles by giving an actual due date. Ah well, we can’t always be perfect at what we do best. But the students, they still stand beholden to the manyana principle

I expect my email box to be over flowing with requests to join SOP. Maybe not today, may be not in the next week, or month, because good procrastinationalists would take the time to think about what they are committing to. There’s no need to rush is there?

Many a good business venture has been lost because of prolonged thinking, but we would rather think that it wouldn’t have worked. So, dream on and have great success in your mind, let’s face it, you wouldn’t have succeeded anyway.

Good luck to you all. Look for our web page-when we get the time to complete it.

Phil and Ian

April 12, 2009

In the last blog, I began with the idea of keeping the writing going. “Don’t procrastinate,” I said. Huh! look who’s talking. I have procrastinated for two months now on getting this, my next blog up and going. But I still believe that if you want to get published, you have to keep writing. At least with regards to my book, I am keeping up to date and writing regularly. Well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Now that you are writing, keep an accurate record of events, character names, place names and so on. If you don’t, you will be forced to scroll through the pages in search of a name or spelling. Let this record be in writing and on paper. This way, you will always have essential information at hand. And while your busy writing, stay true to the character. Don’t change their behaviour or the way they think- unless you have a plan.

If you use abbreviations, use the same abbreviation style throughout the book. For instance, doctor can be written as: doctor, Dr, dr or Doctor. If you create an abbreviation for your novel, stick to this rule. You might understand the reason for a change in abbreviation, but your readers will get confused.

While we’re on a bit of a spelling thing here, don’t rely solely on the word processor spell check, or grammar check for that matter. Your word processor can be set using a wide variety of ‘English’ styles. There is British-English, Australian_English, US-English and so on. If you are planning to publish in US, set the spell checker to US-English, but check the spelling with a dictionary, and do not rely on the word processors grammar check. It can be wrong very often. Go back to your old English text books, or go on line to check your grammar.

Remember, you are in charge of your book, but poor grammar and spelling errors will not help to get you published. Keep the ideas flowing and stay mentally fit. Your book idea is worth the effort. Keep it up. Write to me if you get confused or if you need a push. Go for it.