May 30, 2009

You’ve heard of evangelists, now read about a new society, a society where everyone procrastinates. In fact, why not join our society and be in good company. We meet once a month when we can decide on a date, and you’ll join great company if the other members can be bothered coming to a meeting.

There’s a benefit behind belonging to SLOP; for a start, you will never need to feel guilty about not completing any tasks because we will teach you the tricks of the trade where you can rationalize quite convincingly, that you meant to do it, but were far too busy. Of course there are other ways that you can explain away your procrastination, but you’ll have to attend a meeting to get those; when we plan it.

The founding two members meet regularly since we have desks next to each other. We support one another all the time by explaining to the other how hard working they are, until he feels good about not finishing the task. Phil, he’s the other guy who started SLOP with me, plans on making a logo for our group when he can be bothered; I look forward to seeing it someday.

We have a whole range of mottos, one being ‘look forward to tomorrow.’ Isn’t it great? I always set tasks for tomorrow since I know that tomorrow never comes. See how simple it is to make excuses? “Hey Ian, can you get ……….. finished for me?” “Yeh, no worries, I’ll finish it tomorrow.” Makes sense doesn’t it?

Guess what! We even have a theme song. Remember Peggy Lee? She sang ‘Manyana’ a song about putting it off until tomorrow. “And then I say Manyana and it’s good enough for me.”

In deed, we are in good hands. I have worked out that God has been misquoted. Why is the earth’s population increasing so rapidly? It was reported that God said, “Go forth and procreate.” That was an error. God said, “Go forth and procrastinate,” but since there wasn’t much to procrastinate about way back then, He was quoted incorrectly. So let’s correct God’s message of wisdom. Join us.

If you don’t think you will ever be as good as Phil and me, hey, we have a principle which will ease you in. It is called the ‘Conditional Manyana Principle.’ You can always say, “I am waiting for more information before I can complete this task.” It might be true, but we’ll recognize it as an excuse. No problem!

There is one thing that’s certain. Many of our students (yes, we are teachers) would feel right at home within our group. They learnt the principles all by themselves. Phil and I are quite proud of them. I mean, for me, I have less work to mark and the students have an excuse for failing. How can anyone say they have failed if the work wasn’t done. Think about it. How good can you feel if a fail grade is given when the work wasn’t done in the first place?

Even the perfectionist student can join SLOP. Oh yes they can! Why complete the work if it isn’t going to be as good as I would want? ‘Hey, if I complete the work, and it is good, then won’t , they the teachers, expect good work next time?’ See! It is that simple. Excuses can be generated from anything, so get off your butt and join us.

You may not be old enough to remember, but back in the late seventies, their used to be a round badge with the word ‘tuit’ printed on it. You know, it was for those who finally got around to it. Ha ha, but Phil and I plan to redesign the badge. No longer do we have to be humiliated by the sentiment behind that hideous badge. We plan on putting a big red cross through it. Yep, we will never get ‘a round tuit’, not because we are lazy, but simply because tomorrow never comes. It is difficult for us though when we set home work. I can’t set the due date for tomorrow, so, I violate one of our basic principles by giving an actual due date. Ah well, we can’t always be perfect at what we do best. But the students, they still stand beholden to the manyana principle

I expect my email box to be over flowing with requests to join SOP. Maybe not today, may be not in the next week, or month, because good procrastinationalists would take the time to think about what they are committing to. There’s no need to rush is there?

Many a good business venture has been lost because of prolonged thinking, but we would rather think that it wouldn’t have worked. So, dream on and have great success in your mind, let’s face it, you wouldn’t have succeeded anyway.

Good luck to you all. Look for our web page-when we get the time to complete it.

Phil and Ian