February 19, 2010

I’m told that I suffer from depression. How can this be! It is unconstitutional.  No Australian should suffer from depression, I mean, “She’s right mate,” is our protection isn’t it? And what about, “No worries,” being depressed makes us Aussies look like wooses.

Depression is a debilitating disease, often leading the depressed individual to procrastinate over jobs that need to be done. Great, just great, so now I can expect to be a procrastinator. No, wait, I already procrastinate and I must admit, it gets me down.

I’m told that if I have a pill called an antidepressant, then I’ll increase my chances of overcoming depression. Now I have to take a pill? Where is it written in our constitution that to overcome a disorder, we have to take a pill, we’ll become a nation of drug addicts if the word gets out. Imagine, “Feeling depressed?” “Yes.” “Here, take this pill and join the rest of society.”

I always thought that having a BBQ was our way of attaining happiness and alleviating depression. A couple of beers and Bobs your uncle. No depression. Take a pill? What if the pill makes me sick? I’ve heard that an MAOI or monoamine oxidaze inhibiter for us pill takers, can cause my blood pressure to increase, and I have to watch what I eat and drink. Again, it’s unconstitutional, Australian should be denied a lamb chop of a big piece of steak. Nor should we be told not to drink beer, but hey, if you have to use a MAOI, then you have to do what you’re told.

Ah well. The dilemma will add to my depression, unless; I follow the instructions. You little beauty.

June 6, 2009

“A being than which none greater can be thought,” what a great definition for God! Anselm derived some great thinking when he defined God, thus. It has become the mantle for Procrastinators since, because tomorrow never comes, there can be no greater reason for procrastinating.

Think about it! If on this day I decide to complete a task tomorrow, and when on the next day I think about it, tomorrow hasn’t come. So, like God, I can put off completing the task adinfinitum.

Can you think of a greater being than which none can be thought? Isn’t it great? If you can think of a greater being then, that being must be God, since, there cannot possibly be a greater being, unless you don’t believe in God in the first place then there is nothing to  argue.

But, truly, tomorrow will never come since on the day after the said day that the statement was uttered, if I ask, “Is it tomorrow yet?” You can say, “No. Wait twenty four hours.” It’s fantastic! You can wait twenty four hours and tomorrow is still in the future. See? You never have to worry about completing a task provided you say to the task giver, “I will have it completed tomorrow.”

Don’t be trapped into saying you’ll have it completed by 12June, since this will bind you. Imagine how foolish you would feel if you didn’t complete the task! You would not be true to your word.

Ah, thank God for the Society for Lovers of Procrastination (SLOP), our motto, wait until tomorrow stands firm in our hearts. Join us and become a lazy, slothful person who always has a sound excuse for tardiness. “No worries, it’ll be done tomorrow. You can stake your life on it.”

May 30, 2009

You’ve heard of evangelists, now read about a new society, a society where everyone procrastinates. In fact, why not join our society and be in good company. We meet once a month when we can decide on a date, and you’ll join great company if the other members can be bothered coming to a meeting.

There’s a benefit behind belonging to SLOP; for a start, you will never need to feel guilty about not completing any tasks because we will teach you the tricks of the trade where you can rationalize quite convincingly, that you meant to do it, but were far too busy. Of course there are other ways that you can explain away your procrastination, but you’ll have to attend a meeting to get those; when we plan it.

The founding two members meet regularly since we have desks next to each other. We support one another all the time by explaining to the other how hard working they are, until he feels good about not finishing the task. Phil, he’s the other guy who started SLOP with me, plans on making a logo for our group when he can be bothered; I look forward to seeing it someday.

We have a whole range of mottos, one being ‘look forward to tomorrow.’ Isn’t it great? I always set tasks for tomorrow since I know that tomorrow never comes. See how simple it is to make excuses? “Hey Ian, can you get ……….. finished for me?” “Yeh, no worries, I’ll finish it tomorrow.” Makes sense doesn’t it?

Guess what! We even have a theme song. Remember Peggy Lee? She sang ‘Manyana’ a song about putting it off until tomorrow. “And then I say Manyana and it’s good enough for me.”

In deed, we are in good hands. I have worked out that God has been misquoted. Why is the earth’s population increasing so rapidly? It was reported that God said, “Go forth and procreate.” That was an error. God said, “Go forth and procrastinate,” but since there wasn’t much to procrastinate about way back then, He was quoted incorrectly. So let’s correct God’s message of wisdom. Join us.

If you don’t think you will ever be as good as Phil and me, hey, we have a principle which will ease you in. It is called the ‘Conditional Manyana Principle.’ You can always say, “I am waiting for more information before I can complete this task.” It might be true, but we’ll recognize it as an excuse. No problem!

There is one thing that’s certain. Many of our students (yes, we are teachers) would feel right at home within our group. They learnt the principles all by themselves. Phil and I are quite proud of them. I mean, for me, I have less work to mark and the students have an excuse for failing. How can anyone say they have failed if the work wasn’t done. Think about it. How good can you feel if a fail grade is given when the work wasn’t done in the first place?

Even the perfectionist student can join SLOP. Oh yes they can! Why complete the work if it isn’t going to be as good as I would want? ‘Hey, if I complete the work, and it is good, then won’t , they the teachers, expect good work next time?’ See! It is that simple. Excuses can be generated from anything, so get off your butt and join us.

You may not be old enough to remember, but back in the late seventies, their used to be a round badge with the word ‘tuit’ printed on it. You know, it was for those who finally got around to it. Ha ha, but Phil and I plan to redesign the badge. No longer do we have to be humiliated by the sentiment behind that hideous badge. We plan on putting a big red cross through it. Yep, we will never get ‘a round tuit’, not because we are lazy, but simply because tomorrow never comes. It is difficult for us though when we set home work. I can’t set the due date for tomorrow, so, I violate one of our basic principles by giving an actual due date. Ah well, we can’t always be perfect at what we do best. But the students, they still stand beholden to the manyana principle

I expect my email box to be over flowing with requests to join SOP. Maybe not today, may be not in the next week, or month, because good procrastinationalists would take the time to think about what they are committing to. There’s no need to rush is there?

Many a good business venture has been lost because of prolonged thinking, but we would rather think that it wouldn’t have worked. So, dream on and have great success in your mind, let’s face it, you wouldn’t have succeeded anyway.

Good luck to you all. Look for our web page-when we get the time to complete it.

Phil and Ian

May 3, 2009

What a strange land of video this is. All sorts of silly stuff get on you tube so I thought I’d join them. Of course I had to use it to make a video to advertise my book so if any of you want to see a clip of me making a fool of my self, go to you tube and search for ‘Stay: The search begins.’

There was a clip of a guy pulling a funny face and it had 220, 000 hits. I can’t believe it! If I get ten hits I’d be happy. If I got more, I’d be ecstatic. If I got more than 100, you’d have to read my funeral information.

 

Ah well, that’s the way it goes. My fame might come from making an ass of myself on this media.

April 15, 2009

On TV recently (April, 2009), Robert Gordon a Trauma Psychologist, said about the fire victims that those who hold on to blaming others and do not move on have more trouble overcoming their grief than those who move on (or words to that affect).

This got me to thinking about life in general. I know that I have blamed others for certain things that have happened in my life and regarding those facts, I didn’t move on, or gain the success that I had desired as a consequence to attributing the blame to someone else. Blame is easy. ‘It wasn’t my fault, so and so didn’t…’ When you blame someone else, you are off the hook. I mean, because the blame has been attributed to someone else or something else, ‘I’ or you can feel good about yourself because, after all, ‘It wasn’t my fault.’

You know what though! Success is limited. In fact, success can be very elusive since ‘It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t make it. Nobody told me.’  When you play the blame game, you become a master of excuse making. And, it’s never your fault. it is always someone else who contributes to your lack of success.

Ah! The art of blaming is alive and well. I suppose, over a long period of time I might become depressed, or procrastinate more, but? I mean, ‘It’s not my fault that I feel this way. I can’t help putting things off because others don’t…’  You fill in the rest.

Do you know where blame is alive and well? In the classroom. ‘My teachers are stupid,’  ‘my math teacher can’t teach,’  ‘The teachers don’t listen to me,’  ‘I wasn’t told to hand my work in,’ and so it goes on. With many students, they are never at fault. Failure is defined as being caused by the teachers, ‘why else would a good kid like me fail?’  Again, blaming the teacher, or others in the class is easy, so, failing comes easily.

Isn’t it time to get serious about the blame game? Stop playing! You’ll get know where while you see others as being the cause for your inabilities.

November 27, 2008

Hi everyone,

 

This is my first ever blog. I’m excited!

You might see the same blog again on another page, except- I don’t know how to get to the other page!! Oh well, just read the stuff below.

So what the hell do I write now that I have a blog page? You know what! I’ll write about my book. It’s fantastic and you should think seriously about purchasing it so that I become famous.

I guess my fame will come with the blogs because I’m good at saying nothing and taking a long time in saying it. Let me demonstrate. By the time you get to the end of this blog, you would have noticed that I haven’t added anything new. Not a thing! Well, amy some words but my contention is that the words uttered haven’t added anything to your understanding about my current blog other than it has nothing to say, except about saying nothing. See? I haven’t added any new material and you are still reading. Silly you. I guess you are a glutton for punishment so I’d better say something worth while.

Let me see! I’ve told you about my book, ’stay’, go and buy it.

I’ve written book two and it is being edited so, hang on.

I’ve written an e-book about cancer of the prostate, the page’ll be open soon.

Finally, I promise to write something of value soon. In the mean time, I have school reports to write and they are consuming all of my energy. See! You’ve learnt something after all.

Now, how do you publish this thing. Oh yeh, there’s a publish button. I’ll just press it and see what happens. Here goes……